This is my Prayer...

I was nudged yesterday by adulthood_101 to update in this journal. To tell you the truth, I haven't even logged into this journal since 2004. Perhaps because I got lazy, perhaps because I started to backslide, perhaps because I just forgot...perhaps all three.

I don't read my Bible like I used to...I won't lie about that. I've felt God in new ways over the past couple of months...and he's brought to me the love of my life. I wouldn't trade the life I live for the world.

But I would like to have Him back...
...in my daily life, in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my words.

I need Him, though at times I feel like I can do it on my own. I know in my heart that I can't. So I ask to be broken...shattered...so that He can help me back up.

Almost any decent Christian would tell you that they'd give their life for Christ.



Well...if we would give our lives and die for Him...
Why don't we give our lives and live for Him?

Singing this song this morning...I just started to cry. Mostly because one of my good friend's agnostic boyfriend came to church with her. He doesn't like me anymore because I cautioned her about dating a non-Christian and he found out and was very offended. I felt like I blew all chances of him coming to church with her...and I honestly had NO intentions of doing so.
But he was there...and I was a little overwhelmed.

But this song was there...and God was speaking to me. I felt really blessed...and that is what this song means to me.


Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I’m found in the
desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
when the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
on the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say...

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
3 I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
4 Those who hate me without reason
outnumber the hairs of my head;
many are my enemies without cause,
those who seek to destroy me.
I am forced to restore
what I did not steal.

5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you.

6 May those who hope in you
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
10 When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.

13 But I pray to you, O LORD ,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.

--Psalm 69:1-14

Joy.

I went to a women's retreat tonight at Ozark Christian College. It was the 50th annual retreat...wow...fifty years- that's crazy!
My pastor's wife was the speaker. She never fails to entertain...while giving a very wonderful lesson of Scripture. I admire her greatly.

She talked about being joyous no matter what situation you're in.
How even though Paul had horrendous things happen to him, and he wrote the book of Philippians in prison...he still spoke of having joy in the Lord.

I think everyone needs a taste of that. Because even if we had nothing...with Jesus, we still have everything!

*smile*

I visited a friend's church on Sunday and one of the girls in the youth group requested prayer for her sister.

Her sister goes to SMS...and is in a very atheist religion class. You basically have to be an evolutionist to pass.
Anyway, she is having to write a 12 page paper proving the Gospels false.
*mouth dropped open*

HOW could you do that? How??

Maybe put a disclaimer at the bottom:
Everything written in this paper is complete BS and should not be given a second thought because I LIED! Thank you.

You'd feel so hypocritical...and well, you'd just have to lie your way through the whole paper...and what if it was really convincing and people actually believed what you wrote? If she's anything like me...I have to write persuasively about anything...no matter what the topic. That's how I am. But then you couldn't make yourself sound too convincing...if it would be possible to be convincing at all.

It really got me thinking...

What would you do?

In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.
--Proverbs 16:9


How true. My whole life my heart has planned its course . A certain one...the one I believed it should follow.
And God has been guiding my foot work...

Now...I'm ready for him to carry me.


Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and joy may end in grief.
--Proverbs 14:13

Carry me...


I travel a path of gravel. I look North, South, East, and West but fail to see a soul. Just the soft, gentle breeze blowing through the sand grains of time.

For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.
--Psalm 38:17

If the Lord delights in a man's way
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
--Psalm 37:23-24


I look up...and that is all the reassurance I need.

YOU SAY GOD SAYS BIBLE VERSES

You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith" God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)


Believe God is there just for you..

On Sunday, my youth minister preached in the main service so we had our alternate guy preach. He is a real sweet guy, and him and his wife really love what they do.

He said something this week that really caught me. I'm not exactly sure why, since I've known this all my life...but the way he said it at the time he said it was really gripping.

"Satan knows your weaknesses."


As simple as that. Why do good weeks go bad? Why do the people you love the most hurt you? Why do you feel lost inside when just yesterday you knew exactly who God wanted you to be?

Because Satan knows how to twist the truth and cause grief. Everytime I'm happy...he screams in agony. And he turns that around...

Satan likes to be in control.
Satan likes defeat.

But...I'm too darn stubborn for that.



I refuse to let him win.
Not this time...not now.

Last night was a night of passion...

Passion n.
1. The sufferings of Jesus in the period following the Last Supper and including the Crucifixion, as related in the New Testament.
2. A narrative, musical setting, or pictorial representation of Jesus's sufferings.



I cast away Satan. For the first time, through God's Almighty Name...I told him to flee, and Satan left me...as quickly as he had arrived.

There is definitely spiritual warfare in this world...and I'm proud to say that I have defeated it.
I will endure it again...I fought it today even. But Jesus hasn't left my side...and He never will.


I love Him. I truly, honestly, with all my heart LOVE Jesus Christ.

I have been reading...I just haven't been writing.



Just so you know...or perhaps just to clear my conscience.

Proverb of the yesterDay

Proverbs 21

All a man's ways seem right to him,
but the LORD weighs the heart.
--Proverbs 21:2

Of course, we always think we're right. Human nature is to make excuses for our wrongs...to pretend like we don't know better, and that our way is always correct.
But...also it is human nature to feel guilty...
Because we know that our ways are evil.
But God doesn't want our guilt...he simply wants our love and obedience.

The Righteous One takes note of the house of the wicked
and brings the wicked to ruin.
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,
he too will cry out and not be answered.
--Proverbs 21:12-13

When we see sin...we are commanded to stop it if we can.

We must spread the Good News and let no one be poor in spirit. That is our duty.

A wise man attacks the city of the mighty
and pulls down the stronghold in which they trust.
--Proverbs 21:22

President Bush and Saddam Hussein? Just a thought...

A false witness will perish,
and whoever listens to him will be destroyed forever.
--Proverbs 21:28

Don't listen to gossip...don't spread gossip...don't start gossip.
Who wants to perish for a little rumor? Not I...

There is no wisdom, no insight no plan
that can succeed against the LORD.
--Proverbs 21:30

He knows all....it's nice...to have the King of the universe know MY plan in life. *smile*

God rocks!

Proverb of the Day

Proverbs 20

Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler;
whoever is led astray by them is not wise.
--Proverbs 20:1

Rather self-explanatory. Don't drink.

The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters,
but a man of understanding draws them out.
Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?
--Proverbs 20:5-6

Make plans by seeking advice;
if you wage war, obtain guidance.
--Proverbs 20:18

Big or small...I think a second opinion is always better than just assuming your's is the best one.

If a man curses his father or mother,
his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.
--Proverbs 20:20

Lord, this verse scares me. Be a light unto Glendan's path.......

Do no say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!"
Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
--Proverbs 20:22

A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way?
--Proverbs 20:24

This passage right here explains exactly why we don't know our future...and why our path is often times foggy and unclear.

Sometimes...a little light through the fog is nice though. Eh, Lord?

Okay...I'm not even going to backdate these entries and pretend I did them before tonight.

While being in Kansas City I read a little...then I got busy...and then I got sick. And up until tonight, I have felt so bad that reading hasn't really been on my mind.
So...I have to catch up!

*sigh*

Proverb of the other Day

Proverbs 17

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
--Proverbs 17:14

He who loves a quarrel loves sin;
he who builds a high gate invites destruction.
--Proverbs 17:19

The Bible says "Do not let the sun set on your anger." I whole-heartedly believe in that. You should resolve all fights before you sleep, if it's possible. I think long, drawn out fights really wears on the body, mind, and heart.

As for the last line: "...he who builds a high gate invites destruction." I think it is meant to mean something completely different...but for me, this verse was telling me to take down my walls that I have put up around myself. Because if I don't carefully place them aside, sooner or later they are going to crumble into destruction.

I need help with that.


To have a fool for a son brings grief;
there is no joy for the father of a fool.

A foolish son brings grief to his father
and bitterness to the one who bore him.
--Proverbs 17:21 & 25

I don't believe this is a metaphor. I've seen it happen....continuously.

Lord...I pray for my parents...and for Glendan. It is a rough, rough battle...and they can't make it without you.


A man of knowledge uses words with restraint,
and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
--Proverbs 17:27

This is something we all tend to struggle with. Some, like I, struggle more than others.


A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions.
--Proverbs 18:2

I think too many times we would rather state our opinion, whether it be right or wrong, than hear the truth. It is a hard thing to overcome...especially when you are convinced that you are correct.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.
--Proverbs 18:10

I just like this song. :-)

Before his downfall a man's heart is proud,
but humility comes before honor.
--Proverbs 18:12

Pride....a word that kills us all.

He who answers before listening---
that is his folly and his shame.
--Proverbs 18:13

This verse reminds me of my father. Sometimes when you are trying to tell him something that he doesn't wish to hear...he starts coming up with excuses and blames while you are trying to talk. He doesn't listen on account of figuring out how he is going to counter you. It makes for difficulties in communication sometimes.
But, of course, we are all guilty of this I'm sure.

The first to present his case seems right,
till another comes forward and questions him.
--Proverbs 18:17

This is a fine description of my grandpa. He is very gullible...and loves believing everything people tell him. He likes to see the good in people...especially his own family. But, when the family is at odds...he chooses sides...only, he chooses both sides. When he is talking to my brother, he agrees with him and starts feeling animosity towards my mother. But when my mother explains her side, he agrees with her and feels the same animosity toward Glendan. It is hard for him I know...and I pray for him. He is in a tough position...as are we all. :-(


It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way.
--Proverbs 19:2

I find it interesting the amount of Christians out there that have such excitement for sharing the word. Almost to where they brag about it. But not in the way the Bible tells you to boast in the Word...more of a "I'm going to heaven and unless you be like me...you aren't." kind of way. But...knowledge and wisdom will help you understand how to really approach non-believers...so this way, your zealous heart will not turn them off.
Also...I think some people are so into what they do and how they act...that they are missing the big picture.
Which is the One and Only Jesus Christ.

A man's own folly ruins his life,
yet his heart rages against the LORD.
--Proverbs 19:3

People, myself included, so eagerly blame God for their fallouts. They don't want to face their own selves...they don't want to live with the guilt...and they don't want to ask for forgiveness.
All the Lord asks for is repentance...but some people would rather turn away and blame Him, then simply ask.

A false witness will not go unpunished,
and he who pours out lies will not go free.
--Proverbs 19:5

Good.

A man's wisdom gives him patience...
--Proverbs 19:11

Lord...wisdom is something that must come from You. I need wisdom...I want wisdom.
I need guidance...and I need patience. I ask them in Your Name, oh God....

A foolish son is his father's ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
--Proverbs 19:13

I believe...every...last...word. I've seen it...I've watched it...I've experienced it...and it never changes.

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to his death.

Stop listening to instruction, my son,
and you will stray from the words of knowledge.
--Proverbs 19:18 & 27

This gives me faith that my parents and I are doing the right thing by staying out of the sinful lives of my brother and his ex-wife. He knows that we love him...my mother tells him so often, while sending cards and Scriptures. But...we aren't "supporting" him any more. We can't be an aid in his sin any longer...we have been for so long--I think it is time we start living by Proverbs.
The only way you can discipline a 28 year old boy is to let him make his own mistakes.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
--Proverbs 19:21

I am so thankful that this is the Truth.

The fear of the LORD leads to life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.
--Proverbs 19:23

Oh precious Lord...I pray for a glimpse of Your sovereignty...so that I may fear You...and love You...and be untouched by trouble.

Proverb of the Day

Proverbs 14

The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one
tears hers down.
--Proverbs 14:1

The truth of this verse is outstanding. I have seen it first hand...the selfish choices of the foolish woman...destroying her home and family. It is a plain written warning in the Bible...but somehow...it still happens.

Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy.
--Proverbs 14:10

Bitterness is something I struggle with. It is hard to find the positive in life, when everything seems to be going against what I pray for. But, I know there are reasons...and God has a plan for me, bigger and better than anything I can ever possibly imagine. And I can't wait for Him to show me those blue prints.

There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.
Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and joy may end in grief.
--Proverbs 14:12-13

This is a tough one to accept. You mean, I may not be happy in the end?? What?
It's hard to imagine...but, life isn't a fairy tale--and It tells you right there how hardcore life really is.
I think we have all experienced laughter through an aching heart. Many are experiencing that right now...perhaps not the laughter, but a broken heart.
I know that even though I had a wonderful day with my niece today...my heart is still heavy with loss.

A truthful witness saves lives,
but a false witness is deceitful.
--Proverbs 14:25

I think this is talking about Christians as a whole...spreading the Truth....saving lives. So if you keep quite, you are as deceitful as a false witness.

A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.
--Proverbs 14:30

Being a girl...envy is a big struggle for me. It is hard to look at the "perfect" females in this world and not wish to be them. It's really tough...
But, I pray everyday for the ability to be happy with myself...

It seems to be a never-ending, losing battle....but I'm still in the fight.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
--Psalm 42:1

Amen.



I'll be in Kansas City for the next three days...I will update as much as possible, but I may have to just save my devotionals until Thursday when I return.

I went tonight with my best friend and saw The Passion of the Christ.
It is my second time...and still, of course, it impacted me greatly. I received more knowledge from the film, rather than the overload of emotion.
I could feel my spirit soar when Jesus was upon the cross...and when I saw the hole in his hand in the last frame...a smile spread across my face.

He's alive!
He's alive!


And He is my God...</i>my</i> Savior...my Lord....
I can have Him with me every moment of my life...and He loves me, despite my flaws...despite my sin...
He loves me!

With this power of Christ, what could possibly harm me?





Proverb of the Day.

Proverbs 13

The sluggard craves and gets nothing,
but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.
--Proverbs 13:4

I have a problem with laziness.....it is something I need to really work on in my daily life.

Pride only breeds quarrels,
but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
--Proverbs 13:10

I hate pride. It is something the majority of the world struggles with to a degree. Some, more than others...but I think every person has, at some point in their life, had an overwhelming sense of pride that has caused quarrels.
I'm in one right now...and I pray this verse will show itself effective.

He who walks with the wise grow wise,
but a companion of fools suffers harm.
--Proverbs 13:20

In other words...choose your friends wisely.

He who pares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
--Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 13 covers a very large area of subjects...from pride, to friendship, to disciplining children.
Shows just how much you can learn from the Bible.


Continuing my reading today in 1 Kings chapter 3.

The story about the two prostitutes and their two sons.
One son died in the night, and the second mother traded her dead son for the first mother's live one.
The first mother wakes to find herself holding, what she knew, was the other woman's dead son. They fight, and end up taking the story to the king...who chooses to cut the baby in half to give each mother a half of the son.
The second mother says that, yes...this is just and fair.
The first mother screams for him to stop... "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"

So the king sees that the first mother is the true and rightful one, and gives her back her son.

So, that is chapter 3 in a nutshell.

I'm finding these Bible stories so intriguing, now that I have the desire to read. I'm so excited about it...even the stories I've heard a million times, they are just so much better now.
I understand...and I feel the Word.
I don't just hear it, or see it...but it's in my heart...
It is being sketched on my very bones.


And...I love it!

Proverb of the Yesterday

Proverbs 12

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.
--Proverbs 12:1

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
--Proverbs 12:4

I have seen this last verse first hand. I believe whole-heartedly it is true.
I do believe in miracles...in changes...but I think it has to be something that is ultimately strived and prayed for.

Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant
than pretend to be a somebody and have no servant.
--Proverbs 12:9

I found this very humbling. We are nothing, regardless...so why give up things we want because of pride?
We should just let go of this and achieve what God has laid out there for us. It makes perfect sense...yet we seem to forget it.

A fool shows his annoyance at once,
but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
A truthful witness gives honest testimony,
but a false witness tells lies.
--Proverbs 12:16-17

I read this and my immediate thought was..... That was the most obvious statement I've ever heard. But then, as if God read my mind...I noticed the little study caption underneath the verse. It read:

12: 17 Deeper Meanings
Some proverbs, disarmingly obvious at first glance, offer deep truth when chewed on. For instance, verse 17 seems to merely repeat the obvious. But its underlying meaning is that a person's character determines his/her actions. You can reflect at length on what this implies about why you do what you do.

I just smiled and offered a thank you to the Big Guy upstairs.

An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.
A righteous man is cautious in friendship,
but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
--Proverbs 12:25-26


Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
you justice like the great deep.
--Psalm 36:5-6

Just like the song...

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
--Psalm 37:4

This verse kept me sane on July 9th. My mother just kept reading it over and over...praying that the Lord give us the desires of our hearts......
...our baby girl...
It was the most frightening day of my life...but somehow, God gave me a peace whenever I heard this verse.


If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
--Psalm 37:23-24

Wow....this verse makes me, just...cry.
God...the Almighty Ruler of the world outstretches His own hand for me! ME!
He cares when I stumble...
That.....is incredible.

The salvations of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
--Psalm 37:39

God is good, huh...

*smile* I love you, Oh Lord...

Proverb of the Day

Proverbs 11

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
--Proverb 11:2

Pride is a hard thing to swallow. I think it is for everyone...but especially me. I hate giving up anything for someone else...even though I have to sometimes.
It is rarely because I want to...
But, I feel God pulling on that area of my life...I have to give it up. Give up my pride, my bitterness and anger, give up my grudges and sorrows...He will renew my soul. He is all I need.

I pray to God that He will humble me in the sight of the Lord.

The righteousness of the upright delivers them,
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires.

With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.

A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished,
but those who are righteous will go free.

The desire of the righteous ends only in good,
but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.
--Proverbs 11:6, 9, 13, 21, 23

I think "gossip" is a hard, hard subject. It sounds so Jr. High and juvenile...but the truth is...gossip impacts people their whole life. Sure, kids gossip, but honestly...I believe more adults are hurt by it than teenagers. When you breed that into yourself at an early age...it is hard to control the urge to tell a "secret" you promised to keep.
Of course, I know from personal experience. I struggle with this everyday.
It may not even seem like gossip...just telling a story. But I have to think, if this were my story...would I want people to be telling it?
Usually...sadly, the answer is no. And sometimes...I say it anyway.

This is something I desperately want to change in myself...but it will take time, and prayer.

Help me, oh Lord...for You are with me always.

He who seeks good finds goodwill,
but evil comes to him who searches for it.
--Proverbs 11:27

This verse was quite taxing on my heart. I felt the last line nagging at me...
Sometimes I expect God to show me Himself...so that I'll believe. But it must be the other way around.

As it says in Psalm 34:15-16

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

When I am doing evil things, why should the Lord appear to me? He will not pursue the wicked...He will seek the lost and bless the righteous.
I find myself almost wishing for heartache sometimes. Because, frankly, that is what I became used to...and the feeling is more natural and comfortable for me. Being happy takes work...and sometimes I feel like drifting back into solitude.
But that is not what God requires of me...and I understand that now.

I continued in Psalm 33 today.

For the word of the LORD is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.
--Psalm 33:4-5

Right and True. It is so nice to know that no matter what is happening in my life...God is always there...and He will never deceive me.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
--Psalm 33:18-19

To think that God has set out with the desire to deliver me...is an amazing concept.
And also, I was really thinking about the word "famine" in this context.
Famine means a shortage of food, or starvation.
I honestly don't think this pertains to food...or at least not specifically. They reference it to a hungry army...but to me, "famine" means so much more.
It is the starvation of anything in life. Whether it be food, love, devotion, family, self-esteem, etc. I think the Lord will keep us alive even through our turmoil and utter starvation.

Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
--Psalm 34:12-13

I think this gives us hope of a wonderful reward for obeying God's laws.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
--Psalm 34:17-18

Brokenhearted? Yes, I am.
Crushed in spirit? Yes, I am.

But You have brought me back to life...and the passion I feel for my Jesus is renewed and on fire.


I continued my journey through 2 Samuel tonight. I read chapters 6, 11, & 12. I read the story of David and Bathsheba. Things start so innocently for him...but turned out in lies and deceit. I think the sexual desires of humans is the easiest target for Satan. Because no one can deny those feelings. No one can say they do not have sexual desires. So that makes most humans an easy mark. I think it takes a lot of courage and stability to stand up to the ways of this world. To say No at all the right times. We will stumble...perhaps we will actually fall. But God has an arm strong enough to pull us back up...and He will, if we ask Him.

My tongue will speak of your righteousness
and of your praises all day long.
--Psalm 35:28

I praise You, Heavenly Father....
I love you...
Amen.

Proverb of the Day

Proverbs 10

A wise son brings joy to his father,
but a foolish son grief to his mother.
--Proverbs 10:1

This is way too true. And I think sometimes, as children, we have no idea the grief we are causing our parents. Just the little things that hurt them...we don't even notice.
Then there are the big things...and I can't even imagine the pain they go through.

I can see the pain in my mother's eyes whenever Glendan's name is mentioned. It isn't a look of anger or frustration.
It is of pure and honest love...
...because God knows she loves him so much. She just doesn't know how to handle the situation...I must say it is one that most people don't have to go through. She isn't as strong as she likes to pretend...but, still, I must give credit were credit is due--she is incredibly strong, regardless.

But even the strongest man alive has a breaking point.

And I think it is really unfair to blind yourself to that just because you expect someone to be perfect.

Let eyes be opened, Lord....

Hatred stirs up dissension,
but love covers over all wrongs.

He who heeds discipline shows the way to life,
but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.
--Proverbs 10:12&17

"...leads others astray." Bam...He got me. That thought is frightening to me. To know that my words and my actions can, and probably have, turned people away from Jesus. It's almost nauseating to think about.

He who conceals his hatred has lying lips,
and whoever spreads slander is a fool.
When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
--Proverbs 10:18-19

Holding the tongue...something I don't do well with. Especially if I am angry. I've been told I "have a way with words"...yeah, and that way is out. Sometimes even the uncensored version...and for that I am ashamed.
I have, forever, enemies because of my lack of restraint...

[This sentence is taking the place of a long paragraph about myself. I wrote it...and then thought, "Kirsten...you are talking about you...not God." So I deleted it all...]

What the wicked dreads will overtake him;
what the righteous desire will be granted.
--Proverbs 10:24

I'm feeling myself slowly drift from the former to the latter...and I'm gaining strength.


Continuing in Psalm...

The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.
--Psalm 29:11

This is so incredibly true. I have known this for awhile...I have felt it. When His peace comes over me...it is beyond amazing.
And hearing it written...it is just proof of how real He is in my life.

...weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
--Psalm 30:5

"Though the sorrows may last for the night...His joy comes with the morning.

I'm trading my sorrows...I'm trading my pain...
I'm laying them down, for the joy of the Lord.
I'm trading my sickness...I'm trading my shame...
I'm laying them down, for joy of the Lord.

Singing, yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord...
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord...
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord...Amen."

Great song. :-)

This next few verses here in chapter 31 hit me so hard...I think my heart skipped a beat.

Be merciful to me, O LORD , for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends-
those who see me on the street flee from me.
I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side...
--Psalm 31:9-13

It is exactly what I was speaking of early. The contempt of my enemies against me.
I am ashamed to relate so well to this Passage.

Lord, forgive me...

Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD."--
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Rejoice in the LORD and be glad...
--Psalm 32:2

I've never trusted Him like I do today. And rejoicing is certainly a part of my day now. :-)


I continued in 1 Samuel. I read during my prep period today at school. Forty-five minutes of good, solid, uninterrupted devotion time. 'Twas wonderful!

I read chapters 16, 17, 20. The stories you hear about all your life...come to life. Fascinating stories.

The guy next to me leaned over and said,
"Is that...the Bible??"
I told him, yes it was. And he was so taken aback.
"Why are you reading it? For...like...church or something?"
I told him, "No...for myself."
He proceeds to tell me about when he read the Bible once, but it was too boring. I didn't really know what to say. So I just told him the truth.
"Some of it is boring...but most of it is amazing." He was perplexed...but I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He continued to question me a bit...I'm hoping next time we have that class, he will begin his questioning again. Or maybe...it's my mission to bring it up first this time. Either way, I pray for guidance.

Guidance...and wisdom. Strength and passion. All of these things, I ask for in your name....
Thank you, Jesus.... Amen.